Updated: Jun 29
Not like media is trying to sell it to the world, eggs freezing is not a career woman's thing. There is no a fixed profile of women, who decide to freeze their eggs. Some do it to secure having kids with a partner, with whom they are truly happy. Others to postpone maternity. And others for health reasons. Eventually, it all reduces to your needs and wishes in this moment of life!
Throughout my twenties, I was always looking forward to become 30. I thought it was a great milestone in life: you have a job, you have money, you become independent from your parents and you can build your own future.
When I turned 30, I celebrate it for a week! in Zürich, in Spain, travelling... 7 days of celebration welcoming a new decade to my life :)
However, not even 6 months later, I started already feeling the consequences of being a woman and being 30. Questions or comments like, "When will you start having kids?", or "You shouldn't wait too long to start having kids" started appearing in my life.
I also started to meet other women, who were closer to the 40s and single. In some cases, I could feel the burden that society and nature puts on us. Us women, we have an expiring date to be able to have our own kids and build a family. Men do not. A man on his 50s can still have a family. A woman on her 50s can't, not unless she adopts a kid. But she won't be able to get pregnant and carry a risk free pregnancy. This is a fact, and it is nature. However, does this mean, women can't be free from nature's and society's constrains?
When I heard the first friend talking about freezing her eggs, I was surprised. I never heard about it before - and I was almost 31 at that time. Why is it we do not hear about this at a younger age? We do hear about marriage and having families, but we do not hear about all the lifestyle choices that nowadays technology can offer us.
I then took a step back and looked at my life, from an outsider perspective. I was 31, with a partner, lived in different countries, I had my carrier and my investments.. also, personally I do not want to live a life full of regrets or decisions that compromise my true happiness.
I did not want to stress about kids. I did not want neither to find myself on my mid thirties or closer to 40, being in an unhappy relationship but feeling stuck because "clock is ticking". Or being single at that age, and getting obsessed with finding a man to have kids with...
Then I realised that freezing my eggs, as a woman, it buys me freedom and peace in mind. And a chance to find someone, with whom the relationship works and you are in love with. Now, you may think "that is bullshit, I don't want kids anyways" or "if I want kids I will adopt" - then good, you can stop reading this post.
But, if you are unsure if you want a family with kids of your own blood; or, if you know you do want to have kids but it is too early for this, or you haven't found the partner for it... I would encourage you to keep reading this blog post :)
Life has this funny way of turning things around in the less expected way. You may be now single, married, in complicated situation - and in a week you met someone, you got divorced, you show the middle finger to that unbearable situation. When we are getting closer to the 40s, the biological clock starts ticking and many, even if they are not happy in their relationship, they are afraid of breaking up and being single. They are afraid of not finding someone on time to have kids.
However, knowing that your eggs are frozen, it buys you time. And the option to be brave and break up with any "age related / kids / family" fear you may have inside. If may not be ideal, but for those that we want to be happy and do what makes us happy, science gives us the chance to stop being a slave of nature or society, and build our own path.
Having your eggs frozen, you do not lose anything - apart from money, although the peace in mind you get is more valuable than the cost. If you do not use them, you can always donate them. But it could be for example...
You are 34 and just got divorced, have one kid. Then you meet someone when you are 38, with whom you would like to have a kid. You can still do it if your eggs are frozen. The quality of the egg will be from a younger person, and hence less chances for the kid to develop any complications during the pregnancy.
You are 36 and you discover that you have a diminish ovarian reserve. If you would have frozen the eggs earlier, you could still use them. However, in this case, you would find yourself asking for a donation.
You can also fell in love with a woman, even if before you were always dating men.
You decide to be a single mum.
Having the eggs frozen allows you to also have kids, no matter in what situation you are at the moment or in the future.
When I froze my eggs at late age 31, many of the people around me did not understand at first the reasons behind. Some would argue, if you want to have kids, just have them now instead of doing all this process and spend your money. However, it all reduces to you and your life's choices. I want to be free, and have the flexibility to chose my own path as I want it - and not as others want it. I am not ready for kids, even if I love them and I would probably like to have them later in life. I do not want to feel I need to continue a relationship that does not serve because of the pressure "of having kids". I do not need to have extra weight on my shoulders knowing that I am ageing and my ovarian reserve goes reducing - having every year less chances to get pregnant. We already have enough with work and daily life to also add an extra burden to ourselves with this topic.
Some would also comment If you want to have kids you can always adopt. Fair enough, but some of us - and I include myself as well - we would like to have our own kid. From our genetics. Call it selfish or human nature.
Last but not least, like with the pregnancy topic, freezing your eggs is not enjoyable for everyone. I remember during that time I told several times to everyone: if I would have known that the process was so annoying, I wouldn't have done it. However, now that I look back at it... I am very happy I went through it and I have my eggs frozen. Even if it was also an economical burden, since it is not cheap at all.. In Switzerland it can cost up to 7'000 CHF, in Austria a bit less and in Spain around 3'200 EUR. Unfortunately, insurance companies or public health institutions do not cover this cost, cause they see it as a "personal choice". Unless you need to do it due to a health issue. Nevertheless, a man does not have to go through this process - cause he does not feel the pressure of the society, or from nature.
We will never be gender equal, but science nowadays does give us more opportunities to make a career, wait to have kids with someone that truly makes us happy and loves us, and in general, be mum at a later stage.
I hope you find this article inspiring and it helps you to learn that we have the choice to live a life outside of the traditional society box. And this is partly thanks to the science and technology, and the improvement in eggs freezing and fertility treatment methods.